Once you’ve made the decision to search for your child’s birth mother, the next most difficult task is figuring out what the heck to write in your first letter to her. It can seem like an impossible task to sum up in a letter all of your feelings and all of the special moments of your child’s life.
After a successful search, many adoptive parents turn their thoughts to an in-person meeting with the birth family. But along with excitement these thoughts can be accompanied by stress and anxiety. Planning an international trip alone can be stressful. Throw in the realization of what this meeting could mean in your child’s life and it can become overwhelming. But it doesn’t need to be with the right planning and support.
s part of the mission of Familias de Corazon, we provide adoptive families the opportunity to provide gift baskets to birth families three times per year. Two visits during the year based on birth family location and one at Christmas. During a recent visit to Guatemala, I chatted with Fide about the deliveries of this year’s Christmas baskets. I found her observations on the reactions of birth families to the gift baskets fascinating and wanted to share what she told me here.
You’ve finally made the decision to search for your child’s birth mother. Now what? It’s time to choose a search professional. Choosing a searcher can be daunting given that the future of your child’s relationship with her birth family rests in their hands. But as long as you do your research in identifying reputable searchers, choosing among them becomes a matter of personal preference, style and comfort.
One of the most common concerns I hear from adoptive families, both before and after searching, is how to maintain a relationship with the birth family and how to navigate the power imbalances inherent in that relationship. I’ve always believed that there is no right answer here and we are all just muddling through as best we can, that each family needs to take things as they come, look at all sides of issues that arise and then do what feels right for them and their family.
Back in 2007, I began working with a Guatemalan birth mother searcher as her translator. In the 8 years since, I’ve worked with hundreds of adoptive families as they have navigated the process of searching for their children’s birth families. Each of their stories has been unique and each has taught me something new. For quite a while I have been thinking of starting a blog as a way to share what I’ve learned.
Maybe you’ve been thinking for years that someday you should start that search and find the woman who gave birth to your child. But figuring out where to start, knowing who to trust, coming up with the funds, and digging out the paperwork can be overwhelming, not to mention the emotional issues this all brings up. If you are on the fence, here are 3 reasons why you should consider getting started now.